2019 – Reflection

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To say ‘2019 was awful’ would be an understatement. I found myself floundering in suffocating debt, I fell out of touch with some of the closest friends in my circle, and my depression decided to root itself even deeper. With each year that passes, I feel less and less like myself. I’m trying so hard to keep reminding myself to keep my chin up and keep going, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult.

That being said, I do not want this entire post to be a drag. I do not want to be seen as a downer or a buzzkill. I truly wish to be happy, even if certain dreams are never reached. I want to be positive every single day and be thankful for the few luxuries I do have. I plan on taking more time for myself and taking care of myself.

I have learned that I need to be tougher. I cannot afford to keep allowing people to walk all over me or take advantage of my kindness and generosity. I need to say ‘no’ more frequently and only focus on my personal needs. I need to be harder on myself and start working towards a happier life. I do not want to simply ‘survive’. Barely surviving and constantly caring is becoming exhausting. I’m tired of being used and cast aside when I work up the courage to ask for help.

And with my angst aside, there were lovely things that happened this year as well.

Highlights of 2019

• New office location at work

• April 10^th, 2019 – Philadelphia PA – Epik High concert

• April 25^th, 2019 – filmed my first makeup tutorial
  • Never posted it, but I filmed it! Effort was made, LOL.

• May 4^th, 2019 – first real date in years

• May 18^th, 2019 – East Rutherford, NJ – BTS concert

• September 27^th, 2019 – Vacation to VA
  • Meeting one of my best friends in person for the first time!

While the good times feel far and few between, I am thankful that good times were even had. And I truly hope to create wonderful memories in 2020. I must keep pushing myself to be better. This is not the end of me. I truly believe that 2020 has the power to be magical, and I look forward to it.

“Dream, we’ll be in full bloom at the end of these hardships.”

– Agust D, ‘So Far Away’