30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years

It’s my 30th birthday. It’s truly hard to believe I even made it to this point. Back in my late teens, I made a vow to myself to take my own life if I wasn’t happy by the age of 30 – grim, I know. I’ve suffered so long with un-diagnosed depression, and I never wanted to be someone who spent their entire life suffering instead of living. It’s taken many years, but I’ve finally found a certain inner peace, and thus I am still alive and was able to reach this 30 year milestone.

If I recall correctly, I believe Jenna Marbles did a video a few years ago based on things she’s learned in her (then) 30 years of life. I credit her for the idea!

1.) Not Everyone Has The Same Heart As You

This has probably been the most difficult lesson I’ve learned over the years. In my naivety, I always want to see the best in people, and I want to believe that everyone has the same ethics and morals that I do. No matter how much effort or care I put into something, there will always be someone ungrateful or who doesn’t care. Maybe they have things going on in their personal lives, maybe they were just raised differently. Regardless, it’s important to accept that people will not care about things in the way you do.

2.) Take Time For Yourself

This too has been difficult for me to learn (and practice), but it really is healing. Whether it’s taking a walk around your neighborhood, watching your favorite movie, listening to music… Taking even a few minutes for yourself is beneficial. You cannot be expected to keep running nonstop and exhausting yourself without time to bounce back. Your happiness and well-being is important!

3.) Patience Is A Virtue

In the famous words of Evie in The Mummy, “Patience is a virtue!” I feel lucky to have immense patience. I do my best to not get hot-headed, in attempts to evaluate a situation from all perspectives. Take your time problem solving, try not to make snap decisions, as chances are you’ll have to live with them.

4.) BUDGET!

I’ve had more than my fair share of debts and all the pain and frustration that goes along with it. Taking the time to write every automatic payment or bill to my name in a calendar has been helpful in figuring out any money I have to my name. While I still do partake in retail therapy (a bit too often), I am trying to be better and budget myself wisely.

5.) Know When To Say ‘NO’

Damn… I cannot even begin to properly explain how long it has taken me to apply this to my own life. Whether it’s an extra serving of food, an extra shift, an outing you can’t afford, unwarranted attention or propositions… Please say ‘no’ if you feel that your wellbeing is at risk, mentally or physically.

6.) Take Your Health Seriously

My biggest regret in life is not taking better care of my health and my body from a young age. While I of course did not have the means or money to buy healthier food as a child, I am sad that I didn’t learn the best portion control in a healthier way and that I didn’t have the means to do more school sports or activities (being the oldest of four siblings was pretty time-consuming!). Health also applies to the internal. I wish knew there were measures I could take for extreme period pains and whatnot at a younger age instead of suffering for 15 years.

7.) …But Also Allow Yourself To Have That Cupcake

Health is important, 100%. But you also shouldn’t feel guilty for indulging. Whether you consider it a cheat day, moderation, anything – let yourself live a little. Do not suffer by being so strict you feel you can’t enjoy yourself at all. Enjoy that cupcake!! (:

8.) Try New Things!

Music, food, tools – try new things! Change can be good (or bad), but you’ll never know what the outcome will be if you don’t try! Don’t feel bad if you don’t end up liking something, at least you can say that you tried. Keep an open mind!

9.) Surround Yourself With Good People

This seems like a given, but I know first hand how easy it can be to be swept up in the drama of others, or the toxicity they give up. Take breaks from social media, be honest about your feelings, and cut people out of your life when necessary. Surrounding yourself with positive people can truly be life changing – a breath of fresh air. Good people and positivity can come from family, friends, and co-workers. You can even find forums and communities online that bring some light into your life!

10.) Play The Devil’s Advocate

It may seem like silly terminology, but I think it is appropriate. You can apply this to your personal life, work conflicts, projects, friendships, etc. Something may sound like a fantastic idea, but challenge yourself and others by looking at things from another point of view to make sure your plan is as solid as it can be. Maybe there is a perspective you never considered that will have a huge impact on your previous view.

11.) Take Pride In Your Work

Everybody starts somewhere. You will not be perfect at anything the first time around, but practice will help you develop your work! It seems like a given, but you should be proud of not only your effort, but any growth you happen to make along your journey. Even if it’s one tiny thing you like, be proud of your progress!

12.) Success Doesn’t Happen Over Night

This may seem like a given, but please do not be upset if something doesn’t pan out or live up to your expectations in a short amount of time – no matter your effort. Work diligently, but know that your self worth is not determined by how quickly you find success.

13.) Be Careful

Please make the effort to think about things from various points of view. Be careful who you trust or indulge information to, check your surroundings, and be aware of your situation at all times. Please, please take care of yourself.

14.) Take A Road Trip Or Vacation With Your Friends!

A vacation with your friends can be so healing when done correctly. Whether it’s a weekend or a week – getting away from the mundane of your life and family even for a short time can make a difference for your mental health. Enjoy time with your loved ones and make some awesome memories!

15.) Listen To Your Gut Instinct

Woo, boy! Please trust your gut instinct. Your body is aware of what you need. Good or bad, allow yourself to feel what needs to be done. My gut has been more right than wrong. (Though I wish it would tell me stop eating so much Taco Bell…)

16.) Set Goals For Yourself

They don’t have to be big goals, or many – just something to look forward to or to work towards. I’ve written so many ideas and goals down in the past, and even if I don’t make them come to life, it’s nice to have a ‘plan’ of sorts that you can reference to. And if/when you reach those goals, celebrate!

17.) Study, Research, Investigate

This can apply to ANYTHING. Schools, businesses, projects, politics, world issues and current events, people, health. Please take your time to thoroughly research a topic before giving an uneducated answer or opinion. Ignorance isn’t always bliss.

18.) Strive To Be Better

Becoming a better person can sometimes feel like an endless goal in itself, but I believe it is worth working towards. You can make tiny improvements or big improvements, but progress is progress! I think we all could benefit from working on ourselves (mentally, physically, etc.). It won’t be an easy battle, but it will be worthwhile.

19.) Get Out Of The House Once In A While

I wish I took this one more to heart, as I find it difficult to not feel guilty about needing time to myself or away from work. I hope that come the new year I can start going on walks or visiting friends if we can get this pandemic taken care of. A breather to decompress and reset your mind is crucial.

20.) Organize Your Life!

HOLY GUACAMOLE. As I mentioned in the ‘budget’ section, I cannot even begin to properly express how much a simple calendar has been helpful with how hectic my life is. On top of that, I’m thankful for my deep-rooted interest in the array of house-related shows on HGTV for giving me so much inspiration for aesthetic and functional ways to make my home and life easier to handle. I truly believe that having clean and organized surroundings will make your daily life more efficient.

21.) It’s Okay To Want Reassurance

This too has been hard for me to recognize. I find myself wanting approval or reassurance for what seems like the simplest of things. I feel this comes from a form of self-diagnosed high-functioning anxiety. It’s easy for me to come off as a perfectionist when in reality it is so much deeper in that. I never want to burden anyone by my failures or presence, and I often need reassurance or validation that my actions and efforts are accepted and worth it. The key to me is not abusing the reassurance.

22.) True Friends Will Tell You The Truth

There is only so much you can benefit from having a bunch of ‘yes’ men in your circle of friends. As listed above, wanting reassurance is okay and totally warranted, however I believe that a true friend will tell you the truth. It isn’t always easy, but you will have reassurance in the fact itself that someone was honest and had your back. Honestly is the best policy. I really appreciate those in my life who have kept it real with me, and I hope they appreciate that I will make every effort to continue to do the same.

23.) Everyone Has An Opinion, Be Respectful

While this was written around the time of politics running rampant (the joys of being born in November in the USA), I assure you that this sentiment isn’t only with politics in mind. Think back to a debate class you may have experienced in school. Take the time to listen to what people have to say and why they believe the things that they do. Be respectful of their choice to think that way and to come to said conclusions. But do not be afraid to correct someone in a respectful and polite manner if they are not aware of their mistakes.

24.) Stand Up For Yourself

Stand up for your character, your work ethic, your family and your thoughts. Do not let others speak for you when you yourself have your own voice. Do not allow yourself to be walked all over for the sake of someone else’s feelings. You deserve to be heard! As Kim Namjoon once said:

“What is your name? What excites you and makes your heart beat?

Tell me your story. I want to hear your voice, and I want to hear your conviction. No matter who you are, where you’re from, your skin color, gender identity: speak yourself.

Find your name, find your voice by speaking yourself.“

https://www.unicef.org/press-releases/we-have-learned-love-ourselves-so-now-i-urge-you-speak-yourself

25.) Don’t Ignore Your Trauma

Sometimes the easiest solution seems like sweeping things under the rug and repressing memories. The shame and frustration you feel can build on top of the trauma itself until it becomes wildly self-destructing to your wellbeing. Maybe you don’t have the means to attend therapy, maybe you feel alone and lost or believe no one will understand. Please take as much time as you need to process, evaluate, and acknowledge your trauma. From there you can work on a path to healing and acceptance. None of us are perfect. We’ve all been through something unfathomable, that I can promise you.

It took me an entire decade to get to a point where I don’t think about my first encounter with sexual assault on a regular basis anymore. Granted the results of said assault still affect me, but it is a relief to not think about that memory every other day like I had for ten years. Trust me when I tell you that healing takes time. I may never fully recover but progress has been made, and I am so proud of myself for getting as far as I have.

26.) Take A Deep Breath (Or Three)

This definitely ties into taking time for yourself and allowing yourself to heal. And I’m aware of how cliché it sounds, but taking a deep breath to calm myself is something I’ve been doing a lot more as of late (2020, anyone?). Any brief moment of relief is welcome in the insanity that we call ‘life’. In… out… in… out…

27.) Treat Yourself

To quote queen Jenna Marbles – “Life is short, but also like, terribly and insufferably long at the same time.”

Is there something you want to buy that would make you happy? Buy it. Maintain your financial stability of course, but what’s the point of saving all of your money to never use it? Your happiness is important, do not spend your life wallowing in unhappiness if you have the means to change it, even for a moment. Like I said earlier, allow yourself to have that cupcake! Who said you can’t have your cake and eat it, too?

28.) Learn Another Language

One of my biggest regrets is not putting more effort into my Spanish class when I was in high school. Granted, I was in an honor’s level course and took it for fun, not for credits, but I’m still sad that my teacher at the time made me feel unwelcome, and thus I didn’t have the means to continue learning the language. I went to a mostly Caucasian school, so I didn’t have anyone to practice with. It really would’ve come in handy in the coming years, so I’m hoping I can get back into it and dedicating some time to learn with my new adult brain. I also bought a Korean language kit to learn from when I have the time. I would also love to learn ASL! I want to be able to communicate with others in a way that will make them feel comfortable and cared for. I do not want to be limited in the ways I can speak.

29.) Family Matters

Anyone who knows me personally knows that family is my top priority. I consider myself lucky that I am part of a family who actually cares about each other. While we don’t have nightly family dinners anymore, it’s nice to have someone to talk to and rely on. I know that you cannot choose your biological family, but you can choose who you consider family and who is worth your time. Please cherish your loved ones, we all need support (even when it’s difficult to verbalize!). I love my family.

30.) Love Yourself!

I’m 30 years old and I still struggle with self-love at times. I have made the effort to work on loving myself, and that in itself is a feat alone. If I decided to put the amount of effort and time into my work into myself as well, I think I would truly be unstoppable. My suicidal thoughts have gone down significantly (though they can linger here and there). I don’t weigh myself daily anymore because it used to make me sick to my stomach (I do need to work on my health though). I acknowledge that I am worthy of love, passion, and existing in this world.

My little black heart thaws out more every day that I experience something positive and kind, or something that makes me laugh and smile. Life really is too short to be spent unhappy. While my depression is very real, I know that I can survive. I know that I have an incredible work ethic and that my sacrifices have helped others. I hope my kindness comes back to me tenfold.

And I hope that this very long and rambled post has made you do some self reflecting and helped you realize that things aren’t as gloomy as they appear. We all posses the power to get through trying times together. We are all going through things, and we all want to feel that we’re not alone. We are all worthy of love, both from others and ourselves. I promise.

Despite how many times I say that I hate myself, I love myself. ❤

Happy birthday to me! (: